How to overcome perfectionism in French and avoid pain

Are you trying to speak French perfectly? Are you putting too much pressure on yourself? Is learning French painful?

In this post, I will do my best to make your French learning as pleasant as possible so you can remove perfectionism and avoid pain.

It’s all about mindset and practice…

 A reflection about perfectionism.

Today, my husband and I walked the dogs as usual. Suddenly, we started to talk to a neighbour. He said that my husband has improved his French a lot compared to a few years back when he couldn’t have a long conversation in French.

Basically, he made me realised that practice is far more important than perfection. That is why I want to share our own learning journey with you and give you tips and tricks.

Nobody’s perfect in French.

Remember the movie “Some Like It Hot” with Marilyn Monroe? You could use its iconic phrase: “Nobody’s perfect” and apply it to your French…

By the way, even native French people make mistakes all the time. So, don’t focus on perfection.

As a reminder, French is spoken in many countries in the world and there’s a huge variety of French. Spoken French in Québec, Réunion island, Sénégal, Luxembourg, Belgium…differ. Each region has its own words and expressions. There’s no wrong nor right but only a palette of French.

French spoken in France is set as a reference. However, it does not mean it is perfect. As long as people speaking French can communicate, the job is done.

Likewise, there’s no perfect accent. All accents and dialects matter. We should all tolerate other accents without being judgemental. The key is to get accustomed to a specific accent.

Communication over perfection.

Whenever you try to reach “perfection”, you forget about communication. Maybe you think a million times in your head before uttering your sentence.

Are you having a normal, fluid conversation in this case? Non!

On the contrary, when forgetting about potential mistakes but focusing on having a natural dialogue with someone, you will improve.

Basically, aiming for “perfection” means putting pressure on yourself and lying about yourself.



How do you feel while practising your French?

Do you remember why you started to learn French? I bet it was to get pleasure and not stress.

So, whenever you feel scared of making mistakes, remind yourself why you started this language.

Let’s see what happens based on how you feel. Imagine you are petrified. My guess is you will hesitate a lot, struggle to find your words, and even give up.

Now, maybe you are frustrated. You try your best and can’t find the “perfect” French words. Again, you don’t say much because you want perfection instead of communication.

This time, you feel happy and relaxed. You don’t really care about possible mistakes because you know they are part of your learning. What’s happening? You talk a lot, express your ideas and receive some corrections that make it easier to remember in the context.

Therefore, your feelings make the difference in your oral (or written) production. You can choose how you feel, so pick happy and relaxed to get better results in the end.

 What do you want to project?

Did you know that your verbal and non-verbal cues can be perceived?

If you stutter, hesitate, get frustrated, the person in front of you will sense your fears and more.

The conversation won’t be enjoyable.

However, you can pretend you are confident (even if it’s not true at all) and you will give the impression that you master this language. Your attitude will project what you choose to demonstrate.

In conclusion, be very careful about the image you tend to send to the people you are talking to. Like an actor, put your superhero costume on and pretend you are the king or queen of French.    

Is it to score in French?

Let’s say you started French to get the best grade or to pass an exam. Congratulations, you have reached your goal.

In everyday conversations, we don’t talk to have the best grade but to communicate. In other words, it’s pointless to craft the best sentences before speaking and losing the natural flow of the conversation.

Besides, if your French is “perfect”, it will sound too good to be true! As a consequence, people won’t feel any connection with you. But if you are vulnerable, human with mistakes, people will help you and integrate you into the conversation.

Make fun of your mistakes

In case you forgot, we are human and make mistakes. Actually, mistakes are more lessons we learn. If you make mistakes, at least you know how to correct them.

And if you refrain from talking because you don’t want to “fail”, well, you won’t learn from your silence.

That is why it’s in your best interest to embrace mistakes because you are a learner and… make fun of them! Indeed, laughter is the best medicine. You are not going to die…you are going to learn something. Once more, the way you feel will determine the fluidity and pleasure of the conversation.   

Are you ashamed of your French?

Maybe your pronunciation is not solid. Your grammar is shaky… Are you ashamed?

Usually, people who are ashamed prefer to remain silent. They are scared to be spotted.

As we mentioned, you will project your feeling onto others. They will see you are ashamed and the conversation won’t be enjoyable and harmonious.

The solution? Practise as much as you can and the shame will disappear! 

Your checklist to overcome perfectionism in French and avoid pain.

So here you go. If you choose to avoid pain and enjoy your conversations in French without pretending to be perfect, here are the actions you can take:

• forget about perfection and be spontaneous
• aim at communicating and not at being perfect
• pretend to be confident instead of projecting your fears 
• practice instead of trying to get the perfect sentences
• embrace mistakes and make fun of them: laugh! 

What are your favourite tips to avoid perfectionism? Do you have your own to share with us?

Don't hesitate to get back to me and share your answers here!